After months of investigation work by the Specialist Humanity Intelligence Task Squad (SHiTS), millionaire entrepreneur and newspaper magnate James Exton has finally been tracked to a seedy Thai torture club in the heart of a mind-blowing syndicated cabal. It's specialite de la maison - Pony Porn - Shetland Style!
This freakish four legged filth has long been outlawed in the west, which is why seedy Exton has found his new home in the far reaches of Phuket. Dubbed "The Phuket Phuker" by those in the know, Exton was traced by the legendary Sir Horace Willington Threep, now retired, he remains a special SHiTs consultant with his lazy eye fixed on the Pony Porn pulse.
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| Sir Threep |
SHiTS task force has also discovered unconfirmed sources linking to Downing Street. David Cameron's cousin's friends dogs owners sister's husband has been implicated in the illegal trafficking of the undersized horses and his best friend Norbert Gobbleknocker was found hacking the hooves of hospitalised horses in a house in Hendon. The Home Office has so far declined to comment on the allegations and is believed to be conducting it's own very internal investigation into the issues.
Meanwhile Chlamydia Cumtickler at the Exton Echo said that it was business as usual as far as she was concerned and she proceeded to call me words that I simply cannot repeat in a family newspaper.
Exton remains at large after suspicions from SHiTS that he had a mole within the organisation. Indeed, he has several moles. Some on his face and back and one which has only been scene by "Ginger Ramrod" - the Shetland Pony which caused the sting.
If you have any information on the whereabouts of this Evil Entrepreneur, please call uk crimestoppers on 0800 Dirty Boy where a specialist telephonist will take your details and give you may be eligible for a reward!
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